Life in the Right Order

Anyone who knows me would tell you I am a HUGE fan of Gone With the Wind - both the book and the movie. I can appreciate the complexities of the characters' personalities and sometimes see myself in this person or that. Unfortunately, I'm probably more like Scarlett than Melanie, but I'm working on that.

Last night, as I was lying in bed tossing and turning and trying to get to sleep, I thought of another scene in the movie that felt very relevant in my life right now. I understand that this movie is older and may not be a generational favorite, so I'll sum it up.

Rhett and Scarlett have had a baby girl and although both characters love little Bonnie, Rhett is the planner. One day the two of them take her for a walk. Scarlett questions why they have to parade down the sidewalk when they have servants that should be doing this. Rhett's answer is simple: they're no longer living their lives for them anymore; it's all for Bonnie. He is determined to get the neighborhood to like them (through charitable contributions, friendly conversations, etc) because he wants them to like Bonnie. He realizes that the way they treat her depends upon how they view Scarlett and him. So he does everything he can to get her started on the right path.

That being said, and with the background knowledge that I moved every couple of years of my life, one can understand my desperate desire that my boys grow up in a neighborhood where they have friends and happy memories. Last night it occurred to me (again) that this may not be the place to do that. We had already planned on moving out of this neighborhood in a few years, but we have also considered moving out of state.

I'm a Yankee and apparently have the personality of one. You know the type: talks a little faster, a little more to the point, avoids the all-too-commonly used (but not necessarily meant) phrases like "bless his heart", and calls people by title or name rather than "hun." Some people view us as abrasive or cold, but it seems more honest and natural to me. My husband (a Rebel) has the same personality, thankfully, and we mesh beautifully together in our little bubble world. The truth is, though, that we don't really fit in here - and he's lived here his whole life.

We've discussed this many times and with other "foreigners." His father, a New Englander, has lived here over thirty years and has yet to make any close connections. My entire maternal extended family (Yankees) live here now and none of them can name any comrades. Other, non-family members, have mentioned their difficulties with assimilating, as well. Perhaps it's our personalities, perhaps we don't try hard enough, I'm really not sure. But I want better for my sons.

My oldest son is two and has had a total of four playdates in his life. I am so grateful for the gym daycare, his new admittance to Mother's Day Out, and his monthly MOPs days, or else he'd never have the chance to play with anyone remotely close to his age. Sure, school will be here soon enough - except that I plan on homeschooling. I'm hoping to find a group for us to join, but I'm not going to count on it. So, I plan on enrolling them in as many activities as their hearts desire.

Back to the point - we're looking into places to move. I don't necessarily want to move back to the midwest, but wouldn't be opposed to it. We're mostly considering Texas, thinking we may fit in there. But then there's our family...I'm not sure I could leave them. It's a hard decision, but I've been considering it for six years. Maybe Tennessee was just a place for me to move to meet my husband and then move on again. Old habits die hard and I guess I have the vagabond spirit.

This post is all about me and my family, but the purpose behind it is universal: our decisions affect our children. The friends we have, the lifestyle choices we make, the goals we pursue - they all affect our children. As parents, we need to remember that it's not just about us anymore. As women, we need to remember that our decisions should firstly be based on if it is self-serving or desired by God. Then, as our second role as wife, if it is honorable to our husbands. Next, how it will affect our children. And then lastly, if it is what we want. Psychologists would argue this view because we put our desires last, but God is the Ultimate Counselor and He set up this order, so have no doubt that it is correct.

Life may be lived here or there, but it must be lived in the right order or it shall never be lived fully.